From flawless to flourishing- releasing the need for perfection & embracing Growth.

As the empty Easter egg boxes sit, ready for the recycling, so the call begins to get your body beach ready. Spring signalling the need to declutter, deep clean, recycle, upcycle, refresh restart and begin again but…... better. It is hard to kick start yourself after a 4 day weekend but it is even harder to kick the ‘how does she do it?’ image. So why do we do it to ourselves and each other?

One thing I am sure of- we can’t win. Be it ‘angel in the house’ or ‘working girl’ women have been boxed in the former for most of the last few centuries and castigated for being in the later in more recent times. We have felt we have to one or the other and then both at the same time- equally well. What we haven’t allowed for is to do both within reason. Those reasons being the reality of our lives ( who we have with us, who we care for, what are our realistic limitations), our health- mental, emotional and physical). I fear we have been our own worst enemies at perpetuating the perfect woman myth. For many of us, validation was taught to come from men and other women, to be wanted and to be envied respectively.

A good place to start, especially in therapy, is to look at key areas that we internalise :

Early Life Conditioning: how messages received during childhood and adolescence from family, peers, and media can be internalized and form the basis of our self-perception and expectations.

The Inner Critic: How these external pressures can manifest as a harsh inner critic that constantly judges and compares us to this unattainable ideal.

Imposter Syndrome: Looking at pressure to be perfect with feelings of imposter syndrome – the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of competence.

Comparison Culture: How the constant exposure to idealized images and narratives fuels social comparison, leading to feelings of envy, inadequacy, and lower self-esteem.

Fear of Judgment: Thinking about how the fear of not measuring up to these perceived standards can lead to anxiety, avoidance, and a reluctance to be authentic.

All of these can lead to the erosion of one’s self worth, the fuelling of inner critical thinking, body image issues and issues around food, increased anxiety and depression and the reduction of authenticity.

However, I feel a change of current, tides, a push back. For every perfect post on Instagram, there is a woman harpooning it. While I absolutely believe humour is needed to remind us all how far from perfect we are. I don’t feel attack is the way forward, by mocking those that influence ( whether its publicly or at the school gate) we are buying into a divide, a polarisation and it is here where the vast silently majority of us will not know which side to fall on. Don’t feel you have to choose. You don’t have to be a Hincher OR a slummy wine mummy. Don’t buy into it. BE YOU.

How we challenge external expectations of perfectionism and/or our internal fears of not having it all is to remain authentic. Be authentic and be supportive of each other. Challenge the old idea to weaponize our perfectionism in order to conquer our sisters. Being kind, listening, challenging our internal judge ( yes we all judge we are human) when we judge or we are envious or critical, remove it from the person we are projecting it on and ask yourself- gently, and with curiosity- ‘what’s that about ? what am I finding hard what is this response about?’ You are not looking for an answer to remove your human reaction, you are staying with yourself and looking to grow from it. If we start with ourselves, we grow, we feel more trusting in ourselves, that leads to trust in others . When we trust in ourselves we are more authentic. Perfectionism can’t thrive where authenticity resides . Authenticity promotes connection and connection is the core of human happiness.

Let’s all agree it can be hard, let’s agree to not make to make it harder.